


However Many

by Insomiak



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Malec, episode 10 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-01 05:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6501940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomiak/pseuds/Insomiak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The warmth in his chest, the easy smile on his mouth, the memory of Alec’s hands on his hips.  None of these things are his to hold.  Alec is for all intents and purposes a mundane.  He’s never thought about demons or angels—or immortals.  Magnus can't do this.  </p><p>(Or: In another dimension, Alec does the chasing and Magnus runs for fear of hurting him.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. angel blood

**Author's Note:**

> Episode 10 AU!Malec. 
> 
> [This lovely person](http://matthewdaddarioo.tumblr.com/) gave me the idea to make AU!Alec say our Magnus' lines, which maybe should've been an obvious choice.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I love comments. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

 

After the portal closes, Magnus takes a deep breath.  He feels amazing.  Lightened, lifted, like lightning is running in his veins instead of blood.  Magic pulses up and down him, threatening to spill over at any moment.  He knows his cat eyes are out and can’t seem to keep them glamoured.  He’s out of practice.

That fact does nothing to dissuade the roaring smile that spreads itself across Magnus’ face.  He’s got it back!  So what if it’s a little rusty?  He’ll just go straight home and practice everything!  There’s nothing to keep him _here_ , after all. 

The moment Magnus is upstairs and on the main floor again, he can feel eyes on him. 

“Where did _you_ run off to?”  Alec Lightwood is asking from behind him. 

Magnus turns around, feeling his magic spark as soon as he looks up at Alec.  He’s got to keep it under control—probably unwise to slip up in a room full of mundanes.  Probably unwise to have turned around at all.

“Sneak off to give a reading?”

Magnus scrutinizes the taller man with a sideways glare, mouth partially opened.  “You knew?”

“I’ve seen your commercial,” Alec says as if it’s something to be proud of.

“Then why ask who I was?”

“I wanted to be formally introduced.”  Alec smiles.  It’s a forward, flirtatious smile, one that hardly lights his face.  A smile he gives to everyone.  Magnus just stares at him.  He hasn’t done this—hasn’t even wanted to, let alone had the confidence—in nearly a century.  Alec’s expression falters and though it is slight, Magnus catches it and feels a little bad for staying silent to the point of discomfort. 

“Yes.  Well.  It was nice to meet you, but—”

“Do you want to dance?”

Magnus feels his heart leap into his throat.  Alec is taller, bigger, has large hands Magnus had noticed instantly, wider shoulders and the idea of being held and danced with is– 

Incomprehensible.  Magnus looks at the nearest exit.  “I should go.”

“You crashed my party to stay ten minutes and leave?”  All of Alec’s confidence is back, rushing through his posture and jawline like a flood.  Dark brown eyes stare down at him and Magnus feels heat swell in his lower stomach, none of which is the result of newly woken magic.

“I—”

“Strange.  Can I see you again?”

The warlock’s knees go a little weak.  “Look, Alec.  I just, I don’t know– my life is a little complicated right now, and…” Magnus takes a step around Alec, towards the door.  “I mean, you’re very handsome.  I’m sure you will have no problem finding someone else at this party.” 

Alec opens his mouth to say something, but Magnus is out the door and gone before he can hear it.

 

* * *

 

The following day Clary is sitting in a lecture hall, twenty minutes before her class starts, when Alec storms through the double doors and makes a B-line for her, his eyes fixed and desperate.  Most people wouldn’t see the desperation.  Alec is an expert at hiding it, at hiding himself whenever he wants to, but Clary has been his friend long enough to know it’s there.

“Alec? What–” 

“Clary Fairchild,” Alec says.  He grips the edge of her desk, looming over her.  “I need to talk to you.  _Now_.” 

 

* * *

 

Two days later, when he’s nearly almost managed to totally forget Alec Lightwood (except not really but he’s telling himself he has because that is much, much easier), Magnus receives a text.  He’s enjoying a cup of tea (heated via magic), an old book in an even older demonic language, and the morning sun through the wide windows of his flat (not strictly supernatural but also, in its own way, magical).

 _How did you get my number?_  Is the reply Magnus sends Alec.  He’s frowning at his phone.  He isn’t sure why he’d replied at all. 

Last night, Ragnor had come over.  If Magnus let slip about a tall, black haired man with angel blood who’d asked him to dance, and if Ragnor had encouraged Magnus to finally try again, please, ‘before your own stagnation kills you and I both’—Magnus wont admit it.  And certainly isn’t being indignant purely for the sake of spiting his old friend. 

He’s not stagnant!  Just because Ragnor likes throwing himself into danger with every breath he takes doesn’t mean Magnus is stagnant!  He’s just careful.  Cautious.  Reserved and composed and _sane_ , unlike some green cabbages.

His phone vibrates again.

_My friend had it in her phone, but she has no idea who you are or how it got there.  You’re very mysterious, Magnus Bane._

Magnus sets his phone down with the true honest intent to stop this.  Whatever ‘this’ is.  Might be.  Might become.  Whoever Alec thinks he is, whatever mystery he’s looking for, it isn’t there.  Magnus is as ordinary and as easy to pass over as they come.  Everyone had always said and done so, had learned he was simple, ‘stagnant,’ and left him.  And when he couldn’t use his magic anymore, it only got worse.  Who wants a powerless warlock?

His phone buzzes again.  After a good effort at self restraint, Magnus picks it up.

_What are you doing this morning?  Want to get coffee?  I just need to go for a run and then I’m free._

Magnus catches himself letting out a small, disbelieving huff. 

 _You’re certainly persistent._  

_I’ll take that as a compliment.  Ever been to Java Jace?  I know the owner.  See you there at 10._

 

* * *

 

Java Jace’s is quaint and small, just an outdoor trailer with some chairs and umbrellas.  Magnus would have pegged Alec as much more extravagant and over-the-top.  The type to show off on a first date and do so more to please himself than his date.  But this isn’t that.  Java Jace’s is a café local students frequent.  Relatively cheap, very public, and casual.

This place is nothing heavy.  Non-committal.  Slow.

Magnus wonders just how hard Alec had thought about this.  How well he’d listened to what Magnus had said at the party. 

_My life’s a little complicated right now._

Magnus smiles the second he sees Alec.  His blue blazer is left open to a white shirt, which hugs his torso.  The combination brings out the flecks of green hiding in his eyes.  Magnus wrings his hands under the table while Alec sits down.  He has a hard time holding his surer gaze, feels his cat eyes trying to get out and blue sparks pricking at his fingers and thinks that while it’s been nearly a full century since he’s been interested in someone, it has never felt quite like this. 

_I don’t even know him._

“Hey,” Alec says after what Magnus is certain was too much time spent staring.  The smile spread across his mouth is almost goofy.  This one does light up his whole face. 

Magnus blinks to keep his eyes glamoured.  “Hi.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d come." 

“I don’t know why I did.”  Magnus watches his own hands, fisted in his lap.  He swallows, thickly, his history running through his mind, everything Camille ever said, everything she didn’t.

“Hey.”  Magnus looks up at the sound of Alec’s voice.  Alec leans over the table, his smile slipping slowly into something soft.   “It’s okay.  Let’s just have coffee.  Tell me about your work.  How does one become the most sought after psychic in Brooklyn?”

Magnus laughs.  “I’m not really psychic, that’s just for show.” 

“So you lie to people for money.”  Alec smirks.

“No,” Magnus says, holding up a finger, “I trick them into following their heart.”

“It’s still lying.”

“But it’s for a good purpose.”

“How can you be sure you know what they want?”

Magnus blinks.  “Because I don’t choose for them, Alec.  I tell them vaguely about their life and future, and let them figure out what they want.  I told your friend Clary that she has a long future with the person she’s dating.  If this news makes her happy, she will continue to see him.  If it filled her with dread, she would decide I’m a quack leave him.” 

“And why doesn’t my little redhead remember that conversation at all?”

Magnus freezes.  Right.  Alternate dimensions.  He’d forgotten that bit of information somewhere in the lines around Alec’s eyes when he’d smiled.

“I’m starting to think you really _are_ magic, and this who psychic thing is a ruse.” 

He doesn’t know what too say to that.  Relief washes over Magnus when a server arrives at their table.  He’s blond, has angel blood like Alec, and heterochromia.  He’s stunning too which is generally typical when one is half heavenly.

“Alec,” the blond server says, nodding at him.  He casts a side-ways glance at Magnus.  “And who’s this?”

“This is Magnus Bane,” Alec says.  He holds out a hand as if he’s presenting someone of some sort of importance.  “Magnus, this is Jace.” 

Magnus can’t stop looking at his eyes.  The way they shine in the sun, the small curve of brown so jarring in the slow circles of blue.  It’s like a piece of art that draws you in because of how clear and clean it is.

“Uh, hello.”  Jace says, smiling politely, and then awkwardly the longer he stares at Magnus. 

The warlock catches himself.  “Sorry.  They’re very pretty.  Clary must love them.”

“I’ll have the usual, Jace,” Alec says abruptly.  Magnus watches Jace grin like a child at Alec, who only rolls his eyes in return.  Complimenting your date’s friend on his eyes probably wasn’t a smooth move, but Magnus has never been good at this. 

He’s always liked brown better anyway.

“I’ll take the sweetest hot drink you have,” Magnus says.

Alec grins, wolfish.  “You already have that sitting across from you.  You’ll have to pick something else.”

Jace lets out a snort.  Magnus gapes for a moment before composing himself.  “That was not even a little clever." 

“And yet no less true.”

Magnus looks at Jace.  “Is he always like this?”

“Yes.  He is _always_ like this.”

 

* * *

 

“So you went out?”  Ragnor Fell is asking him, sitting languidly sprawled out over one of Magnus’ arm chairs.  It’s eight in the evening on a Friday night and while Magnus is sure Ragnor would rather be out drinking and causing chaos, Magnus is content at home.  It is nice to be able to see his fellow warlocks so often now that he has his magic back. 

Not that he couldn’t before.  It is just that seeing them had been hard, had made him feel like a failure.  Magnus had done a good job at pushing them away as his powers faded.

“Not on a real date and just a few times, but yes.”

Ragnor throws his hands into the air in exasperated joy.  “Marvellous!  For you my friend, that nearly amounts to foreplay.  I am so proud.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“And why the hell not?”  Ragnor swings his legs around, sits up, and all but glares at Magnus.  In the dark of his flat the older warlock looks menacing.  “You’ve done nothing but mope and pet your cats and do fake readings for mundanes for the past five years, and worse than that you’ve not even done that the eighty prior!  Do not let Camille ruin you, Magnus.”

“She was the love of my life, Ragnor.”

Ragnor groans.  “She was a liar!  Simply because one gives the pretence of sympathy, loyalty, and kindness does not make it true.  She only _acts_ innocent, it is all a show.  She hung you around her fingers like a puppet, smiled and asked sweetly when she needed your magic, and threw you out once she was finished.”

Magnus looks at the stone walls of his flat.  How corrugated, ancient, and rough they are.  How easy it is to stay inside them and safe.

“I know you think you gave your heart to her, but I promise you you did not.” Ragnor takes a drink of his wine and sighs.  “You must move past this.  Tell me all about this Alec Lightwood, and don’t spare any details.  I want to hear _everything_.”

Magnus recounts it.  He’s already told Ragnor about the alternant dimension Clary helping to wake his magic, but he hadn’t mentioned meeting Alec, so he starts there.  He is likely not as detailed in his descriptions as Ragnor would like.  Magnus has never been one to divulge the secrets of his heart.  But he does, momentarily, allow himself to get lost in describing how tall Alec is, and how he seems to put everyone else before himself.  Ragnor asks how he can know that, barely knowing Alec.  But Magnus knows because Alec had taken them to a casual outdoor café, and he knows because Alec hadn’t pushed it when Magnus had walked away from him, twice, and he knows because of the easy love in his eyes when he talks about his brothers and sister. 

“I just know,” is what Magnus says.

“Well.”  Ragnor clasps his hands together and falls back to sink into the red chair, magicing his wine over and grasping it.  “You sound like you’re enjoying yourself.”

_You’re very mysterious, Magnus Bane._

_You already have that sitting across from you.  You’ll have to pick something else._

_I’ll be responsible for this one._

Magnus hides his smile with a hand, making a show out of rubbing his mouth and chin. 

“So _what_ is the problem then?" 

There is his confidence, of course, and Camille. Maybe he could get by those, someday.  But there is something else, something darker, and there is no getting around it. 

“He…”

There’s a knock at the door.  Which is completely impossible because Magnus has his lair glamoured when he’s not working, and no mundane should even be able to see it, let alone knock on it.  It can’t be Catarina or Tessa, they would never bother knocking, and other than Ragnor, Magnus doesn’t know any downworlders who would stop by and see him on a Friday night.  Maybe it’s Raphael?  If he’s heard that Magnus has his magic back and one of the vampires is hurt, then maybe he’d come here for help. 

Magnus unlocks the door with a wave of his hand.  “Hello?”  He calls, leaning back in his seat to look toward the entry way to his flat.

Black hair, brown eyes, and broad shoulders step into Magnus’ view from the hall.  Alec Lightwood smiles at Magnus for a moment before letting his eyes wander around the room, at the art, the ancient magic texts, warlock runes, potion ingredients, and all the other things Magnus has collected over the centuries, all organized and ordered perfectly. 

“Woah, your place is amazing.”  He runs his long ( _long_ ) fingers down the frame of a picture, admiring the pattern. 

Ragnor looks at Magnus.  “He’s being polite.  You and I both know you have no taste for interior décor.”

“No, I like it.  It’s very you,” Alec says.  “Organized, intentional, and intricate.”

Magnus stares at him.  He can’t stop.  He’s not even sure he wants to.  Alec’s hand halts on the tapestry, fingers digging into the grooves, staring back at Magnus.  Magnus’ eyes have the audacity to drop down to Alec’s full lips and he feels the glamour over them fritzing out again, so he moves back up to look at Alec’s eyes.  Except when he does, Alec’s are the ones dropping to look at Magnus’ mouth and a tongue slips out to lick his lips, slowly, seemingly unintentional and then Alec looks down even lower and Magnus forgets to bother with breathing.

“That’s my queue,” Ragnor says.  And then quieter, so Alec cannot hear: “If you push that man away, you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

He has the decency to leave the room before casting a portal, and Magnus is thankful.

“What are you doing here?” Magnus asks when they’re alone.  It comes out more accusatory than he feels.  Alec hasn’t shown up unannounced at his place before, but somehow Magnus isn’t surprised.  Well he _is_ surprised, he’s just not surprised that Alec has surprised him.  He’s been doing that since they met. 

Alec leans a shoulder against the wall.  “Maybe I want my future read.”

“I’m not open right now.”

“Huh.”  He grins and makes his way over towards Magnus, stopping a few feet away.  “How about dinner then?”

Magnus watches Alec’s hands gripping nervously at his elbows.  He catches Alec swallowing.  He looks at the hard stone walls of his lair, thinks about how even if it’s safer it is empty in here, how it feels more so at night and even worse in his large bed, and without an ounce of trepidation Magnus heads out his front door. 

What is he doing?  _What is he doing?_  

Alec steps inline behind him for only a beat before he comes up beside Magnus.  “So that’s a yes?”

It takes all that Magnus has not to pull Alec down into a warm kiss.  Alec must know it, somehow, because his lips move just a breath apart like he’s waiting.

 

* * *

 

When Magnus gets home after their First Official Date, he does a fine job at staying composed; he magics his door locked, gets a glass of water, changes for bed, feeds his cats, and does it all with a plain, flat expression.

The moment the lights are off and he’s slipping into bed, Magnus cracks.  His face breaks out into a smile so wide he embarrasses himself and in one quick, fluid sweep he rolls over and buries his head under his blankets, cocooning himself completely.  

The date had been—

It had been—

Who is he kidding?  _Alec_ had been Alec and Magnus is falling so fast he can’t breathe.

His phone, sitting on the bed with him, buzzes.  Magnus reaches out of his blanket-cocoon and grabs it, rolling onto his back.  He messes up the password six times trying to unlock it.

There is a string of messages from Alec.

_Hey._

_You looked really good tonight._

_I mean you always do, but I wanted to say it._

_Sorry normally I’m smoother._

_Blame the wine._

_I think royal blue is definitely your colour.  I know you like beige, but seriously Magnus._

_If I buy you some blue shirts will you wear them?_

_If you like them, that is._

_What do you think I look good in?_

_The answer is everything._

_Or nothing. ;)_

_If me flirting at you ever makes you uncomfortable you just have to tell me._

_You don’t seem uncomfortable so I keep doing it._

Magnus clutches the phone in his hands and re-reads the messages about seven times.  He never thought the word ‘adorable’ would ever apply to Alec, but he is happy to be wrong.

 _Hey.  You looked good too_. And it was true—Alec had worn a styled navy blue button-up with white rolled cuffs and collar.  It shaped the V of his torso and chest.  Sharp wouldn’t even begin to describe it.  

Magnus sends the message and then, after some thinking, listens to the butterflies in his stomach and types out: _But don’t lie to yourself, you’re never smooth._

Before he can send it though, Magnus’ phone starts to ring.  He’s so surprised he drops it on is face.  Scrambling, he picks it up again and answers.

“Alec???”

“Hi.”  It’s whispered and hoarse, like maybe Alec had been crying; Magnus can’t imagine that.

“Um…” 

“Sorry, I…”  Alec laughs, a little hapless.  “Honestly, I just needed to hear your voice.” 

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.  Sort of.  Can I– Do you mind if I talk to you?”

Magnus says of course not.  He listens as Alec describes his mother’s rampant homophobia and her plans to set him up with women, how she sends him brochures for ‘gay to straight therapies’ and insists that he’s not going to get very far in the business world as a gay man.  Pulling himself out from under the blankets, Magnus rolls over and holds his phone to his ear, his heart breaking. 

“Most of the time I just ignore it—but sometimes, it…”

“…it gets under your skin.”

“Yeah.”

He sounds sad.  Magnus has never heard his voice so low, so quiet, so uncertain of itself.  He’s only ever heard Alec laugh, flirt outrageously, or use scathing sarcasm.  If he had to guess, he would say that Alec came home to his mother’s critiques directly after their date.

Magus wants to fix it.  Alec spends all his time helping his family and friends.  Magnus knows more about their problems than he does about any of Alec’s.  They’re all he talks about.  Jace and Clary are unsure of their relationship, Isabelle is struggling in her marketing class, Max wants to join judo but their parents have a strict no-violence policy.  This is probably the first time Alec has ever opened up to him about himself.

“Anyway, thanks for lis–” 

“Do you want to come over?”

Magnus immediately regrets asking.  They’ve gone out a total of four time _s_ , only one of which was a proper date, which happened all of an hour ago.  He has no business inviting Alec over.  He has no right to try and make him feel better.

“I don’t mean– not for _that_ , or anything.  Look just neverm-” 

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

It’s two fifteen in the morning.  Magnus stares, fixed, at the clock across the room, Alec’s breathing crackling through the phone line.  There are only a handful of people in all his years who he’d invite over in the middle of the night, and he hadn’t realized Alec Lightwood had become one more. 

Alec actually shows up at two-forty-five.  By then Magnus had paced the room ninety times, re-arranged his bedding thrice, and changed the wine on the table twelve times. 

He’s still in his night clothes—baby blue pj bottoms and a t-shirt—when Alec shows up.  Magnus doesn’t say anything for fear of losing his nerve.  He just takes Alec’s wrist and drags him over to his bed, an act that would feel uncanny during the day, but in the weird hours of the morning it feels only natural.  Alec smiles when Magnus pushes him gently towards the bed.  

“I find you very perplexing.”

“I’m not,” Magnus says, crawling under the covers.  “I’m actually pretty boring.” 

Alec laughs and slides in next to him.  “You are _not_ boring.  Nothing you do is boring.  You showed up at my party, disappeared, only to reappear and then leave.  At first I wondered if you stole something, but nothing’s missing.  So why were you there?  My friend has your number in her phone and has apparently been here before but can’t remember any of it.  You work as a psychic and can somehow afford the rent in downtown Brooklyn.  And your eyes keep…” The glamour must fail, because Alec continues with: “ _That_.  What is that?

“And now you’ve invited me over at three in the morning and dragged me into your bed, but it’s not for sex.  I know it isn’t, because I know you’re not ready, but I don’t know what you’re thinking.  It’s like there’s a bottomless pit of information about you and every time I learn something, I just sink deeper.”

Magnus opens his mouth, but can’t say anything.

“And there your eyes go again.”  Alec shuts his own.  Lying in bed next to Magnus he looks clam, but also like he’s about to explode.  “You’re making me crazy.”

“Alexander.”

Magnus doesn’t know why he calls him that, only that it’s his full name and he wants absolutely all of Alec’s attention. 

Alec lets out a soft and sleepy, “Hm?” and looks at Magnus, waiting. 

Magnus grabs him by the lapels of his jacket and drags Alec forward over the bed, kissing him hard on the mouth.  The angle is a little awkward.  Magnus’ hands feel clumsy.  It’s not a well-coordinated kiss by any means and Alec freezes for a moment and Magnus is filled with sudden dread that maybe somehow he’d misread everything between them—

But Alec breathes out a long, heavy breath and is kissing Magnus back. He’s slow to the point of torturous, methodic and moving with intent.  Magnus lets out a shuddering sigh when Alec kisses only his upper lip, his face so close he can feel Alec’s nose pressed into his cheek.

Still gripping his lapels, Magnus pushes Alec onto his back and climbs on top of him.  He yanks him up and towards him, gasping at a rush of heat that surges down to his hips.  Magnus pulls back and when he opens his eyes, sees Alec chasing up after him.  But Alec stops.  He waits, just looking, just staring but somehow it’s like he’s still being kissed.  Magnus wonders why this one feels different from all of the others he’s ever had. 

His cat eyes come out.  Alec’s pupils blow wider and he smiles and Magnus is leaning down to kiss him again before he realizes it, unable and unwilling to hold himself back.  Alec all but whimpers when their mouths meet.  His hands grip at Magnus’ back, kneading up and down in weighted lines.

When Magnus pulls back this time, he manages to speak.  His voice is breathy and panting and far too obscene to be his own.  “I should get off.”

It would be the perfect time for an innuendo.  Magnus waits for Alec to make it.  But Alec’s eyes are hooded, glossy, lying down over Magnus’ own like a thick fog.  He shifts only slightly under Magnus, hips and legs rubbing together, probably to get more comfortable—Magnus is sure at least one of his legs is asleep. 

But it causes the warlock to sink lower onto Alec, to slip right down along him.  Alec’s eyes widen, just as surprised by it as Magnus is. 

Alec clears his throat before he speaks.  “If that’s… If you think so.”

He doesn’t.  Magnus leans down, pulling Alec’s shirt open wider at the lapels, and kisses him again.

—

“I always rush into things, and we were going slow,” Magnus says a little frantically after they’re done catching their breath, laying beside each other with the covers up to their hips, Magnus on his side and Alec on his back.  They hadn’t had sex in its most literal definition, but Magnus is happy to know he can still give a decent hand job.  (Is also content to note Alec gives even better ones).  “I really didn’t invite you over for this.  You just sounded so sad on the phone and I wanted to make you feel better.”

Alec closes his eyes and lets his head fall back on the pillow, sighing happily.  “Mission _entirely_ accomplished.” 

Magnus can’t stop a small laugh from escaping him. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt this content. 

“You don’t regret it, do you?”  Alec asks, lulling his head to the side to look at him.

“No.” Magnus’ face breaks into a wide smile; one he feels the need to hide in the pillow under him. 

While his face is smooshed into the pillow, a warm hand tentatively touches his side.  Magnus leans his hips upwards into the touch, hoping that is enough to convey how badly he wants Alec to pull him in.

Alec does, dragging his smaller body over like it weighs nothing.  Dormant or not, his angel blood is evident. “We don’t need to go any faster than you’re comfortable with,” Alec says into his hair, “But I, for one, enjoyed myself thoroughly.”  

Magnus curls into him.  It’s warm, warmer than anything he’s ever felt, feels safer than the old walls of his lair that surround them.  The scent of Alec’s cologne is making him dizzy, or it might just be Alec in general.  

Magnus presses into his neck and kisses it, once, long and lingering. 

 

* * *

 

Magnus wakes up alone the next morning, but had been half-expecting it because Alec works early most Saturdays.  There is a messy note lying on the bed and with a bleary and only partially conscious smile Magnus picks it up and reads it.

_I didn’t want to wake you up.  What are you doing this weekend?  My sister is having a party for some work thing.  Wanna be my date?_

_ps: last night was nice_

_-Alexander._

Magnus reads the last line, the postscript, and the way Alec had signed it over and over and over and he can’t stop his heart from pounding faster than a warlock’s is meant to, feels his vegus nerve light up until his head is so hot he thinks he might actually pass out.  Ragnor would be proud of Magnus for last night.  But that isn’t the point—he’s proud of himself.  He’d gone after something he’d wanted, someone who wanted him, without understanding why everything felt so different; Magnus had dived headfirst into unknown territory.

Alec had made it easy.  And more than that, he made it _fun_.

Magnus reaches for his phone beside the bed—

And freezes.

He’d nearly forgotten, which is _all_ Alec’s fault, but it doesn’t matter.  He can’t do this.  The warmth in his chest, the easy smile on his mouth, the memory of Alec’s hands on his hips.  None of these things are his to hold.  Alec is for all intents and purposes a mundane.  He’s never thought about demons or angels—or immortals.  It isn’t fair to him.

Feeling cold and alone in his flat once again, Magnus rolls over and hides from the world.


	2. cat's eyes

 

Alec waits until ten in the morning to text Magnus.He’s not too familiar with his waking habits (though he does now know that Magnus wrinkles his nose, talks, and cuddles while asleep), but ten seems reasonable.He had left him alone after their first night together—Alec wants to make sure everything’s okay.He’s okay, of course.But Magnus is sort of reserved.

He just sends a ‘good morning beautiful,’ nothing wild.There’s no reply from Magnus right away but Alec tries not to worry about it. Magnus’s time can’t be _all_ for him.He has a life outside of Alec.Alec gets that, in principle, so he relaxes.

He lets an hour go by before he sends another one. 

_Isn’t it a little late to still be playing hard to get? Are you busy?_

Nothing.Alec taps his fingers on his work desk, watching his unresponsive phone with distaste.Maybe Magnus has clients today.He doesn’t usually work Saturday mornings but he’s surprised Alec a thousand times already, what’s one more?

He doesn’t let himself check his phone for Magnus until he’s back at his condo in the late afternoon.There’s nothing, so he texts him again.

_Magnus.Is everything okay?Are you?_

When there’s still no reply late that night, Alec starts to panic.What if someone broke into his flat?What are the dangers associated with being a psychic?—or whatever Magnus _really_ is?Maybe it has something to do with those eyes Alec can never quite see.Or the hundred other things he still doesn’t understand about Magnus Bane.

Alec calls him.The phone rings and rings, until his voice mail beeps.He calls again.And again.And again. 

He probably should wait another day.Magnus is just busy, or he dropped his phone in some water, or he lost it, knowing him.Alec probably shouldn’t go over to his place, just to check on him.They’re still just seeing each other, not together, and being an overprotective boyfriend probably isn’t a smart move before Alec is any kind of boyfriend at all.

He’s dressed and out the door in five minutes.

When he arrives at Magnus’s fifteen minutes later, Alec stares.Something weird always happens when he looks at the door to Magnus’s flat.Like the thick distorting waves on the pavement in the heat, it shimmers. If Alec focuses he can see it clearly.He’s tried to do the same with Magnus’s eyes, but he can never make them out. 

“Magnus?”He calls, knocking on his door.Silence.Alec knocks again.“Magnus.Look whatever’s going on, just text me so I know you’re not dead.”Nothing, just the stillness of the empty corridor.“ _Please_ —” Alec’s voice cracks and he can’t finish.

His phone buzzes and he drops it trying to dig it out of his pocket too fast.

_I’m not dead!_

Alec looks down at the text, questioning his taste in men.“Then open the door!”

_I can’t._

“Magnus stop _texting_ me and talk.”Alec presses a hand against the door, forcing it to come into focus.“Did I do something?”

Magnus is standing on the other side.Alec can feel him, like there’s some kind of energy coming off him.Everything about Magnus is a conundrum, an enigma, but Alec doesn’t care about any of it, whatever it is.He likes Magnus’s shy smiles and cozy sweaters and the easy way he accepts people exactly as they are.He likes that Magnus looks at him like Alec might be a galaxy worthy of such an intense gaze, like he’d never see everything no matter how long he stared.He likes how poetic Magnus is in everything he does, how he keeps to himself but helps absolutely anyone who needs it, how he’d grabbed Alec and kissed him even though Alec had thought he wasn’t ready.

He even likes Magnus’s total lack of a fashion sense, his astute awkwardness—is awfully taken in by the absolute disaster that is his love for calm colours and lacklustre sweaters. His unsure eyes as they flicker flightingly from Alec’s to inanimate objects, the way he doesn’t seem to think he’s worth much mention but is beyond breathtaking.

“Did I hurt you?”

The door creeks open slowly and Magnus is standing there, eyes glossy.He looks up at Alec and bites his bottom lip before he says, “No, of course not.You were great.”

Alec doesn’t like that ‘were,’ the past tense, and he marches into Magnus’s flat, worried he’ll shut him out again if he doesn’t. 

But Alec leaves a long space between them.“Then why are you ignoring me?”

Magnus looks at the wall beside him.“I can’t do this.”

A black wallowing emptiness opens up in Alec, thick with an acrid fog that corrodes his lungs as he speaks.“Why?” 

“I won’t make you happy.”

“I disagree completely.”From somewhere in the flat, a cat mewls.Alec nods towards the sound.“So does Church.”

Ignoring his cat and Alec’s attempt at lightening the situation, Magnus shakes his head.“You have no idea what you’re saying.”

“Explain it to me, then.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He watches Magnus’s shoulders slump, defeated and hopeless.Alec wants to lift him up, but doesn’t know how, doesn’t understand.“Is it because I left this morning?It was six thirty, I didn’t want to wake you up.”He takes a step towards Magnus.He can see his eyes now, but Alec doesn’t falter at the vertical pupils.Cat’s eyes. _Beautiful_.“It wasn’t about the sex.You’re more than that to me.I’ve had people I’ve been with tell me it seems like I don’t take them seriously, and know I flirt a lot, but all I want is a partner, someone to stay with.Grow old and die with.”When Alec says that, all of the colour seems to drain from Magnus’s face. 

Taking a step closer, he wracks his mind for the right thing to say, what he feels and what will let Magnus know he’s committed, too far gone to just give up.Alec says, “I don’t know if that’s you, but I _know_ you feel what I feel, Magnus.”

There is a moment of fondness in his expression—just long enough for a few breaths, and with it Magnus leans towards him.Reaching out to hold his sides, Alec’s chest finally begins to lighten. 

But Magnus recedes, as if pricked by a needle.“Get out,” He says, cat eyes flashing to a sudden darkness.“You have no idea what I feel.”

The tone of his voice, normally so warm and welcoming, drags Alec’s heart down.“Magnus—”He’s taken aback by the desperation in his own voice.It doesn’t sound at all like him.

“Get out!”

The shorter man turns on his heels and makes for the other end of the room, around a corner so Alec can’t see him.Alec hears a sound like all the air in the room rushing to a focal point, a sharp pop and a magnetic whir. 

When Alec rounds the corner, Magnus is gone. 

 

* * *

 

Magnus presses a palm into his eyes and conjures a portal to Ragnor’s cottage in London.He doesn’t know where else to go.It’s the only place that is far away from Alec and safe.He’d left the Chairman and Church behind, but they’ll be okay for awhile.

Ragnor is mixing drinks when Magnus steps into his living room.

“Why hello.To what do I owe—” Ragnor looks at Magnus’s face, tears falling down in small drops, and he sighs.“Oh my old friend, not again.”

Magnus collapses unceremoniously onto the sofa.He holds back any sobs, any choked breath, and wipes at his eyes until he’s outwardly composed. 

“What _happened_?”Ragnor asks.He conjures tea and sets it beside Magnus.“It’s barely been twenty-four hours.”

What had happened is that Magnus had woken up and realized falling for Alec, letting Alec fall for him, was the cruelest thing he could do.No mortal wants a lover who never ages.Magnus had learned that long ago.That Alec had managed to make him forget was dangerous.

“I can’t do this to him,” Magnus says, staring at up-turned hands in his lap.

“What the hell are you on about?”

He looks over at Ragnor.  “I can’t give him what he wants.”

“Did he tell you that?”

— _all I want is a partner, someone to stay with.  Grow old and die with._

Hot tears drown his eyes again.Magnus sucks in a breath to hold them back.“Yes.”

“Well sod him, then.”The older warlock flops down next to Magnus on the sofa.He wipes away stray tears with a thumb and lays an arm over Magnus’s shoulders.“Shall I call Tessa and Catarina?We can get pissing drunk and make fun of his hair.”

Magnus laughs, once, broken; then buries his face in his friend’s shoulder and cries.

  

* * *

 

Alec leans over his office desk and puts his hands in his hair.There are trench-deep dark lines under his eyes.“I can’t,” he says, and his voice sounds smaller than Isabelle has ever heard it. 

She puts a hand on his arm. “Alec.You barely knew him.”

Her big brother shakes his head.It looks so heavy, lagging between sunken shoulders.She’s never seen him like this. 

“It’s different, Izzy.”He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands.“It was like… magic, or something.” 

Isabelle runs a hand through Alec’s hair, the same shade as hers.“Oh big brother, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

She doesn’t answer.He needs to figure that out on his own.Instead she asks, “What’s he like?”

Alec looks up at her. “He’s _wild_ , Izzy.I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Try.”

“He thinks he’s boring, but he’s just reserved.He knows about a hundred different languages.He has a collection of stamps that date back to the nineteenth century.He has an original copy of Othello.He has a love letter from Oscar Wilde which I would assume was fake, if it weren’t for everything else.”

“Alec… that’s impossible.”

“I know.”He runs a hand through his hair.“But it’s true.And that’s not even the reason I’m…”He tugs roughly at his black locks; Isabelle hasn’t seen him do that since they were kids.“You would like him, Izzy.He’s careful and accepting.He’d be good with Max.I think even _Mom_ would like him.”

She laughs.“Keep dreaming, big brother.”Lifting his hand out of his hair, Isabelle holds it and says, “So what happened?”

“I don’t know.”Alec grips her hand back.“He just told me to get lost.”

She watches the lines of her brother’s face deepen, his pale skin even lighter from a lack of sleep and a flux of stress.“Do you think it has something to do with all the… weird stuff he hasn’t explained?”

“I asked him to tell me.But he just left.”

“I’m sure he’ll come back, and then you guys can talk.”

“No, Izzy. He disappeared.” Alec rubs his eyes again.“I think he’s gone for good.The only thing he’d come back for are his cats.”Alec has been going over to feed them.Isabelle has been a fantastic little sister and hasn’t teased him about it once, and definitely won’t now that she sees just how much this is affecting him.

“Please,” she says, huffing softly, “I created a four dimensional online interface, I can track down some time-traveling mystery man.”She hauls her phone out, fingers tapping furiously.“He’s a psychic, right?What’s his full name?”

“Izzy… I don’t think he wants to see me again.Ever.”

“Alec.”She looks at him over the rims of her glasses.“It’s okay to go after what you want.”That’s normally second nature to him.“Maybe he just needs to see how serious you are.” 

He lowers his head.“Yeah.”

“You’re just going to talk to him.If he doesn’t see you’re worth at least that, then fuck him _and_ his archaic stamp collection.”

When she starts researching that night, Isabelle finds out some disconcerting things about Magnus Bane.His name comes up throughout the last four-hundred years of history.He seems to have ties with someone named Raphael Santiago, whose name also seems to have survived centuries and has connotations with blood rituals and vampirism.It takes a lot of digging and open-mindedness.She sees some things she never wanted to, and becomes very worried for her brother’s sanity.How can any of this be true?And more than that, why does it all feel so normal to her?

Heart beating quickly, Isabelle dials Raphael’s number.

 

* * *

 

“Magnus.I need you back in Brooklyn.”

Raphael Santiago hasn’t spoken to Magnus in fifty years.He sounds the same.Subdued, repressed, vaguely sarcastic.He’d never been very expressive. 

“What happened?”

“A little girl’s been bitten.Not by one of ours.Her body is rejecting the bite, but she wants to complete the transformation.Will you come help?”

It feels so good to be asked again.To be useful again.And more than that, Magnus needs a distraction, something to do besides stare at the walls of Ragnor’s cottage and wonder why his whole life is spent falling for people who don’t want him.He can portal to the Hotel Dumort and back to London again without running into anyone (and maybe check on his cats). 

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

The hotel has never been a welcoming place, but when Magnus steps out of the portal and into an empty entry hall, he knows something is wrong. 

There are no vampires around, first of all, none hiding in the folding shadows of the room or glamoured.Magnus hasn’t been in a fight in nearly three hundred years, but he lowers his stance as he walks through the entrance hall, cautious.He lets his cat eyes out.

Someone steps out from behind the door leading to the staff room of the reception area.Without any thought and with a lot of panic, Magnus sends a blast of blue magic soaring through the air. 

It smacks Alec Lightwood directly in the chest. 

Luckily Magnus is only out of practice and not completely new to this.He would never send any lethal magic at an unknown target and the spell only knocks Alec on his back.

Still, all the air escapes Magnus’s lungs and he runs towards Alec, dropping to his knees beside him.

“Alexander!”He says, holding his hands over Alec’s head, apprehensive. 

Brown eyes blink open and Alec groans.“You never cease to amaze me, Magnus,” he says, scrunching his eyes shut again in pain.“What _was_ that?”

“What are you doing here?” 

Alec sits up.Magnus puts a hand on his back to help.They’re close, and he lets his eyes run along Alec’s face, the curve of his jaw, the turn of that jaw up towards his ears.Everything falls into place as Magnus re-memorizes all of Alec’s lines.He realizes with aggressive clarity that he’d missed him more in the past three days than he’d ever missed anyone in any greater amount of time.Despite everything, Magnus feels himself relax, just having Alec next to him again.

“We need to talk,” Alec is saying, waking Magnus from his thoughts. 

“No.You cannot be here.How did you get in?”Magnus stands up.He reaches a hand down to help Alec to his feet.“Wait.Did Raphael _let_ you in here?”

“Well, my sister had to bribe him, but…”

“I am going to kill him.”What the hell is that vampire thinking?!Letting a mundane, angel blooded or not, into the Hotel Dumort!Alec could’ve been killed.Or worse.Much worse.

“Is it really a big deal?” Alec asks.He takes Magnus’s hand and gets on his feet.“Anyway, like I said, we need to talk.”

“No.We need to get you out of here, and then I have got a—”

A scream, piercing and long, stretches down the corridor and into the entry way.Magnus turns to Alec and despite his shorter stature, he looms over the taller man in tone and posture.“There’s no time. _Stay behind me_ , okay?”He casts a guarding spell over Alec’s eyes, so no vampire can charm him. 

“What’s that?”Alec seems to have decided, probably due to the blood-curdling scream, that their talk can wait for the moment.

“It’ll keep you safe.”Magnus turns and heads down the hall.The New York vampires have a reputation for following the rules, but Magnus isn’t risking anything.“Come on, Alec.”

The girl must have crawled out of her grave fairly recently.There is still mud in her black hair and streaking down her cheeks.She’s strapped to a table, Raphael and three other vampires standing around her, their hands on her skin to try and calm her down. 

Magnus hasn’t done this sort of thing in a long while.What if he messes up?Magic is precocious and precarious.He might end up suffocating her or something if he’s not certain of his spells.Why had he come here at all?Who is he kidding? There are at least a hundred other warlocks better suited for this.He should’ve just sent Ragnor or called Tessa. 

“Hey,” Alec says from behind him.“Don’t be nervous.Go do what you need to do.”

Such a simple sentence but it makes Magnus take a deep breath and focus.He can’t be nervous—a little girl is depending on him.

“How much of this can you see?”He asks Alec, not turning away from the vampires.

“It’s hard to explain.It’s like looking underwater.”

Magnus turns around then.He pokes a finger into Alec’s broad chest.“Stay right here.Do you understand?Do not move.”He holds his gaze to hopefully show how serious this is.

“Are you gonna be okay?”Alec’s eyes are soft and glassy and worried and Magnus can smell his cologne and remembers the dizzying feeling of being wrapped in him arms, pressed into Alec’s chest, kissing the angles of his neck.He retracts his hand from Alec’s body, trying to keep himself under control; Alec takes a step closer and says,“If anything ever happened to you, I—”

“I will be _fine_ , Alec.”

He turns and makes a B-line for the new vampire.Raphael sends the others away and moves aside to let Magnus in.He has several things he’d like to say to Raphael concerning his level of sanity and letting a mundane wander around the hotel alone, but the sooner he helps this girl the sooner he can get Alec out of here.He sets a hand under her head, letting magic pulse through as an anesthetic.The spell is a little complicated, as any magic done on blood is, but Magnus manages it without a hitch. 

The girl’s muscles relax and she falls asleep, her body finally accepting the change. 

“Thank you,” Raphael says to him, somber and dead as always.“It is good to have you back.”Then he slowly nods his head towards Alec.“Is this a new boyfriend?”

Magnus sends an electric zap to Raphael’s feet.“ _That’s_ for letting him in here.”

He turns around to leave Raphael clutching at his foot (and it was a weak spell so Magnus has little remorse) and grabs Alec by the arm, pulling him down the corridor. 

“So we can talk now?”

“I’m sending you home.”

“No. I’m not letting you just disappear again.”

“Tough.I told you, I can’t make you happy.”

“Magnus.”

The warlock stops at the end of the hall and conjures a portal, damn the consequences.Alec probably can’t see it anyway.He’d send him through alone, and Alec would be alright because of his ancestry, but Magnus needs to know he’s home safe.So he grabs Alec’s arm and walks them both through.

They come out at Magnus’s flat.Magnus has never been to Alec’s place, so it’s the best he can do.Chairman Meow and Church perk their heads up from Magnus’s bed, but are otherwise unresponsive.Normally when Magnus leaves them alone for days they’re very ornery when he gets back.There’s food put out for them in the kitchen.Their water dishes are full. 

He doesn’t let himself think about it.

Magnus opens up a new portal to Ragnor’s cottage immediately.Alec is blinking, disorientated from traveling by portal for the first time.Magnus should leave now.If he goes now, Alec will never be able to find him again.

But his heart deflates when he watches as Alec stumbles backwards, just catching himself on the table Magnus does readings at.Leaving the portal open, he walks over to Alec and takes his arm, leading him slowly to a chair.“You’ll be alright in a minute,” he says, “Sorry.”Alec blinks drowsily at him.It’s kind of cute, and Magnus starts to smile; stops himself when he remembers that this is goodbye.

He turns to go.

“Wait.”Alec’s hand grasps his wrist and holds him tight.“Don’t, Magnus.”

“Trust me, it’s for your own good.”

“ _You’re_ for my own good.”

“Goodbye, Alec.”Magnus tugs at his arm, freeing himself easily from the grip and walking into the portal.

He steps into Ragnor’s cottage—

—and turns around sharply when he hears heavy feet stumble in behind him.

“Alexander!”

Alec is falling and Magnus rushes forwards to catch his considerable weight.It’s an awkward position, Alec leaning into Magnus’s chest, his legs dead and his head lulled over Magnus’s shoulder.He takes a moment to collect himself—to understand that yes, that really just happened, Alec Lightwood really just jumped through a portal after him—before Magnus (with the help of some magic) drags Alec to Ragnor’s long sofa and lays him down. 

“You are _unbelievable_ ,” Magnus says. 

Alec cracks an eye open.“We need to talk.”

“You need to rest.”

“No.I’m not risking you running away on me again.”Alec tries to sit up.Magnus watches the pain flash across his face.

“I’ll wait,” he says in a rush.He doesn’t mean to say it, but he does mean it.Magnus pushes Alec back down into the couch, gently, and sits on his knees on the floor in front of him.“I promise.I’ll be right here.Please just rest.”He rolls his sleeves up.“I’m going to give you some energy, okay?It doesn’t hurt.”

Alec searches his eyes a moment before he nods.

The warlock takes Alec’s lanky hand and wraps his fingers around it, concentrating.He sends a wave of magic to Alec.“Alright?”He asks.

“Yeah.”Alec looks him up and down.His expression is filled with wonder, as if he’s staring at something intricate or complex.A fractal, a web, an entire universe.Things Magnus just isn’t.“It feels good.But are you okay?Haven’t you overexerted yourself?”

Magnus shakes his head, avoiding Alec’s eyes.“Just… take what you need.”

Alec is able to sit up after a few minutes.Magnus feels a little lightheaded, but ignores it.He stands up from the floor to go make himself some tea with a hit of energy, because he needs to or he’ll pass out, and also because he doesn’t want to look at Alec. 

“Are you an ex-con?”Alec asks. 

Magnus laughs, dropping a sugar cube into his cup.“No.” 

“Is your family part of some religious cult?Are you an illegal immigrant?Which I would find hard to believe given your absolutely beautiful use of the English language but I’m trying to come up with a reason you’d never want to see me again and—” 

“Alec.” 

“ _Alexander_.”He corrects. 

Magnus stares at him, a little surprised by his forwardness—and certainly not at all turned on by it.“It’s nothing… like that,” Magnus says. 

Alec stands up and walks over to him, direct and without distraction.He never breaks eye-contact.Not for the first time where Alec is concerned, Magnus’s heart speeds up and he finds it hard to breathe. 

Alec stops only two feet in front of him.“Just tell me.Tell me why you want to stop this before either of us even know what ‘this’ is.I can’t walk away from you.I mean— I can, I don’t… I will leave you alone if you really want me to, but I know that we have something and I haven’t ever felt this way in my life, Magnus.”

His hands are shaking.His broad shoulders look small, somehow.Alec says, “It’s like you’ve unlocked something inside me.”

Heat rises to Magnus’s cheeks.His stomach hollows out, his chest floods with warmth, and he takes a step towards Alec that is more the fault of some instinctual magnetism than intent.“I’ve never felt this either,” he says, “Not in my whole life.”

“Then why…”

Magnus can’t help it.He feels like the floor is falling away from under him, like all the oxygen in the room is gone and kissing Alec is the only way he’ll manage to keep living.He grabs the bottom of Alec’s shirt to lift himself up.Staring into brown eyes, Magnus sets his lips over Alec’s soundly, solid, sure of the act, and only closes his eyes when Alec starts kissing him back.

When he pulls away Alec’s hands are on his waist, and they don’t move.

“I’ll tell you,” Magnus says, barely a breath away, “But you are going to think I’m mad.Really, really off of my rocker.”

Alec looks at him, a little exasperated.“Your flat is full of ancient books written in a language I’m sure you pass off as Sanskrit but isn’t, you wore a _cardigan_ to my party, and half an hour ago I not only watched you make and jump through a magic worm hole, I followed you.We’re already past mad.”

Magnus looks down at their feet.

“It’s okay,” Alec says, rubbing his hands along the curve of Magnus’s back.“I’m not going anywhere.Just tell me.”

What difference does it make?He either tells Alec or he doesn’t—either way, this is over.Magnus takes a deep breath and looks at him.

“You better have a seat.”

“I’m literally not letting go of you until you tell me.”

Magnus feels his heart skip a beat but does his best to look bothered rather than fond.“Come here,” he says, taking Alec by the hand and to Ragnor’s couch.He sits down and pulls Alec down next to him.

Drawing Alec’s hand to his lap, Magnus begins explaining.“In this world, there are vampires, werewolves, seelies… They live among humans in secret.”He looks for a shift in Alec’s expression, but it hasn’t changed.He just grips his hand tighter.“They’re all half demon.Well seelies are half demon and half angel.There used to be Shadowhunters, they’re half angel.You’re… You have angel blood.”

Alec raises his brow but all he says is, “And you?”

Magnus falters.“Why are you taking this so well?”

Alec shrugs.“A handsome man is telling me I’m part angel.Of course I’m taking it well.”He grins and continues, “Honestly, I always thought there was something going on, and after meeting you I was sure.My sister has dated some interesting people. I’m betting all of them were… what do you call them?”

“Downworlders.”

“ _That’s_ cheerful.” 

“I’m… I’m a warlock,” Magnus says, the word tumbling out in an awkward heap. 

“Alright.So you can use magic?Because I already knew you were charming.”Alec grins again, but when Magnus doesn’t smile, his face drops.“I don’t care, Magnus.If that’s who you are, if this is your world, I’m fine with it.”

Magnus opens his mouth and chokes on words he doesn’t want to say, doesn’t want to be true, until they finally, finally come out: “I’m _immortal_ , Alexander.”His heart breaks into a million tiny pieces when he says it, when it’s finally there and he’s sure Alec will stand and leave and Magnus will never see him again. “I’ve been alive for hundreds of years and whatever happens between us, I can’t grow old with you.I’ll just keep living.And you said you wanted someone to die with, to face mortality with you, and I can’t give you that.”

Magnus lets go of his hand.He doesn’t want to feel Alec letting _him_ go.Doesn’t want to remember Alec as just another person who let him go.

“You’re…”Alec looks at him, mouth open slightly.“That makes _so_ much sense.” 

“It what?”Magnus can only stare back. 

Alec’s lips fall into a frown and he says, “Except— That’s backwards. _You’re_ the one who suffers more, not me.I’ll be dead.”

“But you said…”

“I meant I want someone to spend my _life_ with.Everyone dies alone, Magnus.It’s the living part that matters.”Alec slides closer on the couch, leaning towards him. “Neither of us can see the future,” he smiles a little, “supposed psychic or not.Anything could happen to either of us.I want to try.”

“What?”Magnus says, because there’s no way he’d heard correctly.There’s no way Alec is still here, leaning in close and waiting.

“I like your magic.I think your eyes are stunning.I like how caring you are, how protective.”He holds a hand out and the warlock finds himself setting his own in it without a thought.Alec threads his fingers in between Magnus’s.“And I want to try this.” 

His breathing shallow, Magnus blinks upward of a million times at this tall, dark haired man that stumbled into his life due to an inter-dimensional fluke.He knew his cat’s eyes were out.They have been this whole time, because he doesn’t have enough energy left to glamour them.But he hadn’t known Alec likes them, nor that they’re part of the reason Alec keeps staring at him like he’s a whole universe in one person.

“But are you sure _you_ want to?Wouldn’t you rather be with someone else?”

No one, mortal or immortal, has ever wanted to live with him before.No one’s ever asked for that.

“I’ll take you as for long as I can,” Magnus says, “However many days we get.”  If he ever wishes that could be forever he knows it will break his heart.  

"Even when I'm old and ugly?" Alec asks with a grin.

Shaking with relief and exhaustion from over-using his magic, Magnus lifts his palm to his lips and kisses it.  His eyes fall closed.  He hears Alec inhale sharply.

"Even then, Alexander."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Months after writing this I realized Magnus didn't wear a cardigan to the party. Please let your imagination fix the mistake xD I might go edit it later. Thank you for all the nice comments!!


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